Friday, 23 March 2012

Gamekeeper turned Poacher

I quote from the cheerfully insane and inimitably swollen-headed website of Welsh we're-not-witches 'Y Plant Don' (no need for the article, dears, because the proper name makes it definite). It's tedious, but hang in there for the delicious twist:

* * *

Now to the realities of Cosmic Order.

The earth orbits our star, the Sun, in an anticlockwise direction, and indeed spins in a similar motion on its axis every 24 hours. After noon, therefore, WE travel from the Sun's light in an anticlockwise movement, and after the depth of night, WE travel back towards the sun - still in an anticlockwise motion. (All planets orbit anticlockwise and our entire galaxy rotates in this manner.) This is Nature's reality.

With this in mind we should now start to doubt the validity of compass points which are arbitrary, as our luminary does not rise in the East, nor sink in the West. Of the five main compass points, only the fifth (upon which all the others depend for existence & meaning) remains certain and sure - the point HERE!

1. While facing the sun (usually called South) our position is simply 'AT NOON'.

2. Having rotated in a quadrant away from the sun in an anticlockwise direction, we are at the so-called East of OUR journey, while the Sun is to our so-called West. Subjectively, the important thing is we are still here, but - during EVENING.

3. Similarly the commonly termed North of our circle is our NIGHT, with the Sun behind us.

4. The common position of West in our anticlockwise journey in twenty-four hours is simply our position at MORNING as we continue our spin back to noon. Therefore in all our dealings, on one natural truth we can rely without fear of error - WE ARE ALWAYS HERE. And with that statement the star of our system will smile in agreement!

To fully appreciate the issue one should investigate it diagrammatically on paper then, if required, walk it through. The basic benchmark is this - keep the Sun behind you in your working.

sun in S
sun in W
sun in N
sun in E
sun in S

The V points in the direction you are standing as you rotate through each quadrant anticlockwise.
Sun in S, W, N, E = the position the sun appears to be at - TO YOU.

Are there hints in the Legends pointing to this genre of thought? Indeed Yes. In the Legend of Amaethon Uab Dôn, we read: "‘He will come from the south’, said Lleu, ‘he and his finest men and his hosts.'"

He refers here to Arawn the Lord of The Underworld, Otherworld or Invisible Realms - the kingdom of protyles whence the High Deities are invited. And at night, the sun is in the North as is Kaer Dathyl, the home of Gwydyon (Sun God) who has inherited the seat from Math. Arawn confirms this as he says: " ‘I will send you as a messenger’, said he, ‘to your lord, Gwydion son of Dôn, where he is in Caer Dathl.'"

* * *

I've been cackling like a witch for the last twenty minutes. The ancient 'Legend of Amaethon Uab Don' quoted here as evidence for this mystic cosmological bollocks was penned over a month or so by yours truly, c. 2008, while glugging back the diet coke in Jesus College Oxford computer room. The website of this bunch of chumps not only has copied my entire text (in English and Middle Welsh), but also begins with a long and pompous screed about how wicked it is to steal other people's material. You only have to read my original introduction---or do a little googling!---to see that Amaethon was an act of homage, a piece of Iolosim. And, significantly enough, my name (even as supposed 'editor' of this 'rediscovered' text) is not mentioned anywhere.

Whatever else 'Y Plant Don' may be, they're thieving dolts.


Tlachtga said...

It's times like this I just surrender myself to the twin wonders that are the internet and delusion.

Truly, this is a thing of beauty.

Bo said...

Fun, isn't it!? How can anyone be that a) presumptuous, and b) dense?!

Cenlli Goch said...

Wonderful! I have to admit I had a feeling this would have a life of its own when you wrote it!
I've also realised that he uses Lady Charlotte Guest's translation of Math without acknowledging her either. I'm not sure you would consider her good company as hers is probably the least accurate version available. And this bad translation is apparently 'the bedrock of Y Plant Dôn'! Oh, my!

A Tarkabarka Hölgy said...

You completely had me for about two hours until I found your comments claiming it was your own work. As a professional storyteller, I thank you so much for doing that :)

Also, I read the story, from a storyteller's point of view, it's pretty awesome :) So also thank you for that, it was a good read. I do love the Battle of the Trees.

This does not mean I'm not gonna use your little joke as an example in my storytelling research class tomorrow.

Cheers :)

Bo said...

Glad you enjoyed it!

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